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animals's posts - English uPOST

Apr 01, 2020 at 10:40. 15 comments

At Least These Goats Get to Run Free in the Streets

At Least These Goats Get to Run Free in the Streets

With humans banished from the streets and held captive in their homes by a virus, animals and wildlife can once again maintain rightful control. This is definitely happening, as the pigeons who live on my fire escape have become far more aggressive over the last month. This morning, one looked me in the eye. And in Wales, the wild goats have taken over.

The Guardian reports that a group of...

15 Comments

Mar 30, 2020 at 23:30. 14 comments

A Definitive Ranking of All the Jezebel Pets, As Judged by 3 Kids

A Definitive Ranking of All the Jezebel Pets, As Judged by 3 Kids

Last week, and largely because controlled low-stakes chaos and petty drama is a soothing balm right now, I embarked upon a quest that could ultimately tear the Jezebel staff apart—I decided to finally, after years of all of us tiptoeing around this verboten third rail, investigate the answer to this very important question: which pet, of all of the Jezebel pets, is the best pet?

The party line...

14 Comments

Mar 26, 2020. 4 comments

I Can Relate to This Black Reporter Getting the Fuck Away From a Herd of Bison

I Can Relate to This Black Reporter Getting the Fuck Away From a Herd of Bison

On Wednesday, NBC Montana reporter Deion Broxton became a figure of levity amidst the coronavirus-saturated news cycle when he uploaded a video of himself reporting from Yellowstone National Park. In the clip, his attempt at scene reporting is thwarted by a herd of bison.

“Oh my God, oh my God,” Broxton muttered, warily eyeing the approaching bison offscreen. “Oh no, I ain’t messin’ witchu....

4 Comments

Jan 24, 2020. 18 comments

I'm Inspired By This Cat Who Everyone Thought Was Sick But Is Actually Just an Asshole

I'm Inspired By This Cat Who Everyone Thought Was Sick But Is Actually Just an Asshole

Finding the inspiration to muddle through and around life’s various slings and arrows is, at times, difficult. Mistaking aspiration for inspiration is a fool’s errand, for the two are inextricably linked but obviously different. In my endless quest for this elusive feeling, I think I have finally found a match: Perdita, a salty-ass rescue cat in North Carolina who has done life’s hard work of...

18 Comments

Megan Reynolds Megan Reynolds Jan 15, 2020. 18 comments

Sorry, Your Cat Might Consume Your Corpse When You Die Alone

Sorry, Your Cat Might Consume Your Corpse When You Die Alone

A recurring fear that I sometimes think about at night is that upon my untimely passing—alone, in my home, in front of Netflix’s “Are you still watching?” screen—my cat, Daisy, will feed upon my body for sustenance. Seeing as my cat has proven herself to be an ineffective hunter and is prone to staring dolefully at her food bowl when she is not pleased with the kibble I’ve provided, I have...

18 Comments

Hazel Cills Hazel Cills Nov 13, 2019. 13 comments

More Airports Should Be Filled With Support Animals

More Airports Should Be Filled With Support Animals

I love a story about someone trying to squeeze a weird support animal onto a flight: peacocks , hamsters , squirrels , I want it all. But while many have their precious “support animals” turned away because they’re not allowed or incorrectly certified, one airport is bringing the support animals to you.

For the past six years the San Francisco International Airport has created a program to...

13 Comments

Megan Reynolds Megan Reynolds Nov 05, 2019. 6 comments

The NFL Should Change the Rules and Let Cats Play

The NFL Should Change the Rules and Let Cats Play

During Monday night’s football game at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, sports were interrupted by a black cat who stopped the clock, cleared the field, and ran as if Satan herself was on her tail.

The incident occurred somewhere around the end of the second quarter, during which I assume one team (the New York Giants, somehow) was winning and another (the Dallas Cowboys) was losing. The game...

6 Comments

Lauren Evans Lauren Evans Nov 05, 2019. 12 comments

Please Meet This Very Good, Very Fat Pig

Please Meet This Very Good, Very Fat Pig

Twiglet might technically be a pig, but for the majority of her life, she’s lived like an unhealthy, pampered human. Like a human, Twiglet slept on a mattress indoors, ate Chinese food and pizza, and is mostly potty trained! Unfortunately, Twiglet’s owner died in August, and now, it’s time for Twiglet to get her life together.

According to the New York Post, Twiglet is 5-feet-long, but she...

12 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Oct 30, 2019. 17 comments

There Is No Such Thing As Taking Too Many Photos of Your Cat

There Is No Such Thing As Taking Too Many Photos of Your Cat

I am of the opinion that cats are perfect creatures—if they knew how to flush their own shit, they’d be perfect perfect creatures, but there’s still time for them to evolve a step further (maybe). It seems people who own cats are perfectly aware of their pets’ perfection, based on exactly one poll that found the average feline owner takes seven photos of their cat per day. And yet, that is...

17 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Oct 28, 2019. 9 comments

These Rats in Tiny Cars Are Supposed to Teach Us Something, but Mostly I Just Enjoy Watching Them

These Rats in Tiny Cars Are Supposed to Teach Us Something, but Mostly I Just Enjoy Watching Them

NBC reports that researchers at the University of Richmond have announced a new study aimed at understanding the link between complex task performance and mental health, having rats drive tiny cars and measuring their anxiety levels. So far, the researchers have found that the car-driving rats are experiencing lowered stress hormone levels, but mostly I enjoy watching them drive around.

9 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Oct 02, 2019. 5 comments

Ming, the Tiger Who Once Lived in a New York Apartment, Is Dead at 19

Ming, the Tiger Who Once Lived in a New York Apartment, Is Dead at 19

Ming, a 400-pound tiger who was found 16 years ago living inside an apartment in New York’s Harlem neighborhood, has died. He was 19 years old.

NBC New York reports that Ming died peacefully at the Noah’s Lost Ark Exotic Animal Rescue Center in Ohio back in February, but news of his passing only made it to reporters just now. The tiger was cremated in the spring and interred at Hartsdale Pet...

5 Comments

Hazel Cills Hazel Cills Aug 14, 2019. 7 comments

These Gay Penguins Should Sue If Their Adoption Doesn't Work Out

These Gay Penguins Should Sue If Their Adoption Doesn't Work Out

Who couldn’t love Skip and Ping, the famous gay penguin couple at the Zoo Berlin? The New York Times reports that as soon as the couple, just one example of how same-sex couples appear in penguin communities, came to the zoo, they were looking to start a family.

They nurtured a rock and a fish, but it wasn’t the same. After a female penguin at the zoo named The Orange hatched an egg, the zoo...

7 Comments

Katie McDonough Katie McDonough Aug 08, 2019. 8 comments

Please Join Me in Dying Instantly From This Video of Crabs Overtaking a Neighborhood

Please Join Me in Dying Instantly From This Video of Crabs Overtaking a Neighborhood

Crabs are gross and walk in a scary way. They should remain in the sea until they die and descend to hell. But these crabs in Florida left the sea and overtook what appears to be a suburb of some kind, and so I must die instead:

Local news affiliate Fox 35 reports that these are “blue land crabs” and that their “mating and female migrating season runs until December, peaking in October and...

8 Comments

Frida Garza Frida Garza Jul 19, 2019. 6 comments

I Am Inspired By These Body-Slamming Mama Birds, Who Are Just Doing Their Best

I Am Inspired By These Body-Slamming Mama Birds, Who Are Just Doing Their Best

Bird-on-human attacks are on the rise, according to multiple sources from across the globe, including joggers in Denver, researchers in Vancouver, and one man in Wales who turned to his local government for help after his home was attacked by sea gulls. (The town council suggested using umbrellas as a shield.)

These animal-human collisions are becoming so common in some parts of the world...

6 Comments

Megan Reynolds Megan Reynolds Jun 22, 2019. 7 comments

I Hate Earnestness, But I Love These Singing Seals

I Hate Earnestness, But I Love These Singing Seals

Truly nothing—nothing—warms the cockles of my cold and hideous heart like these seals who have been trained to “sing” songs.

According to People, a seal named Zola is now able to reproduce musical notes that sound sort of like the Star Wars theme song, and definitely like the iconic children’s ditty “Twinkle, twinkle, little star.” Researchers studied the vocalizations of three grey seals,...

7 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein May 28, 2019. 16 comments

I Regret to Say This All-White Panda Is Not Cute

I Regret to Say This All-White Panda Is Not Cute

Giant pandas are the cutest animals on this godforsaken dying planet, particularly when they are babies, and their teeny baby panda butts do a cute little wiggle. And yet, I do not think this rare white panda recently spotted in the Chinese rainforest is cute. It is not his fault. It is mine. I’m sorry, White Panda, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and my eyes don’t like you.

16 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Apr 08, 2019. 20 comments

RIP to Florida's 17-Foot Pregnant Python, Murdered in Her Prime

RIP to Florida's 17-Foot Pregnant Python, Murdered in Her Prime

A 17-foot, 140-pound female Burmese python carrying 73 (!!!!) developing eggs was caught and killed by researchers last week in the Florida Everglades. Some people might argue that her death was justified—Burmese pythons are an invasive species in Florida, and tend to eat all the native animals and their food. Still, the python deserves a moment of silence. It sucks to die in Florida.

Even...

20 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Mar 21, 2019. 20 comments

New Jersey Suburb Plans to Ban Barking Dogs

New Jersey Suburb Plans to Ban Barking Dogs

Dogs bark, just as humans play their stereos too loud and tend to have room-shaking sex when they live directly above you. That latter thing seems difficult to circumvent, but one New Jersey borough has decided to address the former, making it illegal for dogs to bark extensively during certain hours.

According to the New York Times, residents in wealthy Saddle River, New Jersey, are fed up...

20 Comments

Maria Sherman Maria Sherman Feb 28, 2019. 18 comments

Behold the Verminfluencers

Behold the Verminfluencers

It’s best to approach the world of social media influencers with a healthy amount of skepticism, lest you find yourself falling prey to its many traps. The world of pet influencers is a bit less soul-sucking, though, and according to a new report from the New York Times, it’s also egalitarian, because now animals found in the trash—skunks, opossums, raccoons and the like—can find fame on...

18 Comments

Rebecca Fishbein Rebecca Fishbein Feb 18, 2019. 15 comments

Firefighters 'Rescue' Perfectly Chill Mountain Lion From Tree

Firefighters 'Rescue' Perfectly Chill Mountain Lion From Tree

A mountain lion luxuriating in a tree in San Bernardino, California was rudely interrupted by a group of firefighters who insisted on removing it.

According to the BBC, on Saturday, the tree-dwelling lion was enjoying a lovely afternoon in the sunshine when some busybody homeowner spotted him while working in a nearby yard. The homeowner, presumably worried about getting eaten or something,...

15 Comments